Comments on: All good things

By: Aura

Aura — Wed, 31 Dec 1969 18:00:00 +0000

I agree with you, very much, on the sentiment that a little token of happiness will go further than any chemical compound will. I've been dealing with something possibly similar seeming, dubbed by someone I've confided in to be 'Depersonalization Disorder'. Lengthy depression, memory loss of almost the entirety of my 8th grade year, post-traumatic stress symptoms, sometimes sudden and frantic questioning of my reality. The way I see myself and my surroundings as I think, (with the occasional of being perfectly alone and sitting still) is an image as though I were standing behind and slightly above myself watching me, with an active internal monologue. I've never known whether that was a fairly normal way of thinking, or if that was a sign of insanity complete with a voice in my head. I regularly experience the feeling of total emotional separation from my surroundings, as though all ability to experience emotion disappears, the longest being an entire week. Like being a robot that's terrified of being a robot and wants desperately to feel something. After confiding this feeling to a friend, I was surprised when he straight out told me I was crazy and I needed to be put on medication.

My brother is a cognitive scientist, and he knows much more about behavioral medication than most psychiatrists, and he's explained to me a lot recently about how little is truly understood about these medications. I'm an American, and I don't know whether it's the same in Britain, but here minds have become business, and it honestly feels like to a degree, this focus on neurosis has bred them. I personally have never seen a therapist, so I'm not quite one to judge, but from what I've learned, it seems that mainly what they do is give you diagnosis and prescriptions that make people leave feeling much more diseased than when they went in. "Picky Eating" was considered as a psychological illness for the new DSM.

I believe in such a thing as neural diversity. Minds are infinitely, beautifully complex, as are troubles and differences. There cannot be a model of a perfectly healthy mind, and if one was attempted, it would be disastrous to try to force every brain into that model. Society itself is ill, so minds even must become slightly ill in a sense just to survive within it. Without differences between people, there would be no art, no evolution, and no beauty. I hope you'll be able to feel better, because though I don't think a difference such as yours should be called illness or defect, that doesn't make it any less painful. I think you're right, though, in the idea of trying to feel better not through medicating your brain's functions, but looking for more natural, specialized and meticulous cures, like friendship and introspection and epiphany and art and living in general. I guess, though, it's really not my place to suggest to someone I don't even know that they maybe shouldn't take behavioral medication. I've gotten very close to it myself, and often I internally debate whether or not it would be right to go on medication. I've never taken anything, so I really can't say I even know at all what it does to the mind. This is a little weird, leaving such a personal and lengthy message in a comment to semi-celebrity's blog. You get a lot of these and probably very few this long, so you may not even have read down this far. I'm hardly sixteen, so I really can't say I know as much as I act like I think I do on a subject as complicated and personal as the human mind, but I've watched your videos and listened to your music for two years and have been very effected by your music and art in general, especially watching it evolve into the level of amazing beauty and complexity it's reached now has been sort of inspiring. You are an incredible musician and seemingly an incredible person in general, and I believe probably, if not for the differences in how your mind works, it never would have been compelled or able to create such wonderful things, or be so interesting in general, or be the sort of person that so many people would want to be friends with or send flowers to. It's no one's place to say how you're supposed to work, but you work in a way that's unique and contributes a lot of amazing stuff to the world.

By: Volfos

Volfos — Wed, 31 Dec 1969 18:00:00 +0000

This is really sweet. It really gets through to me, I can;t understand your syndrome or disorder, your story is so different to me, I mean my memories are fairly clear from my childhood clear, too clearly, finishing my homework just in time to go to be and going to a stream of psychiatrists who wanted to hurry up and diagnose me only to keep telling each other they were wrong.

By: iris

iris — Wed, 31 Dec 1969 18:00:00 +0000

I clicked 'like' mostly for the last line. even if it kind of frightens me.
…so if your/anyone's therapist is a woman, is god a woman?

*both my mother and her husband are shrinks.
boy oh boy has teenagerhood been fun o_o

By: Shoshana

Shoshana — Wed, 31 Dec 1969 18:00:00 +0000

By the way, that month that just went by passed really fast for me. Made a big ol' whooshing sound while I was typing. Maybe I fell asleep at my keyboard, maybe I had one too many Hula Hoops and my fingers lost track of anything they were doing, too caught up in their salty, hoopy dance.

Maybe I didn't notice that this was posted a month ago. Either way, none of it really matters. I'm just clearing up that little most likely unnoticed and unread confusion on my part. You don't care and, really, neither do (should) I.

I'm adding to my foolishness right now... my selfish, 'look at me, I'm writing about myself' comment. God damn it.

I blame god (my therapist) for everything.

By: Shoshana

Shoshana — Wed, 31 Dec 1969 18:00:00 +0000

Medication is blunter than my grandmother when telling my grandfather what Oreos are doing to his figure. They've got me on Lamotrigine, Melatonin (though it's supposed to be helping me sleep, all it really does is make my eyes sort of hurt and my essays stupid), an anti-psychotic that not even my science teacher could spell, and regular viewings of Monty Python. So far the Spanish Inquisition and their Comfy Chair has helped the most (which is slightly worrying, seeing as I'm Jewish.)

Flowers are, in the long run, pretty, happy things. I'm happy for your temporary happiness, though unhappy that the happiness is only temporary. If you live in London, I'd happily (noticing a theme?) send you muffins or cookies, because housewife-ish-ness runs in the family.

On a more/less serious note, I'm looking forward to the Upload Tour and may possibly be dragging everyone I know there with me (not including my grandmother). I think Painfully Mainstream actually turned my iPod into a sentient being with its beauty. Applause is in order. I'll post it as soon as I can.

By: Dismiss

Dismiss — Wed, 31 Dec 1969 18:00:00 +0000

Is this:
PO Box 344, Tadworth, Surrey KT20 9DL, UNITED KINGDOM
Your PO box? It was on the “Thanks for subscribing”-mail.

By: nonayourbeeswax

nonayourbeeswax — Wed, 31 Dec 1969 18:00:00 +0000

Well I'm glad your feeling better. (Or at least you were in the last paragraph. I have no way of telling how you are felling at this precise moment.) I wish I had the money to send you something nice, but I can send you this: love in the form of a blog comment. Cheer up.

By: magicmarkers

magicmarkers — Wed, 31 Dec 1969 18:00:00 +0000

I'm lucky enough to not know what this feels like, but it is both inspiring and comforting to see that even the people I look up to most in life have flaws. The important thing is not that you have this problem, but that you've been able to overcome it and produce some of the most beatuiful, profound and moving things I've ever experienced.

And having read the comments, YES get a PO box ASAP

By: magicmarkers

magicmarkers — Wed, 31 Dec 1969 18:00:00 +0000

I could be wrong, but I beliivvee there is already a PO box? I seem to remember seeing an address for it on the confirmation email when I signed up to his newsletter. Although not sure if it still gets checked…?

By: Cyril

Cyril — Wed, 31 Dec 1969 18:00:00 +0000

I sometimes wonder if there's someone on this planet who is physically the perfect human being, having average dimensions, flawless skin, no diseases, sicknesses or illnesses (are there more words for this?) whatsoever and more of those qualities.
I daren't say whether I believe this person exist. Which gender would it have? Would they be happy? Would they brag about it?

Sometimes I think I think too much, or I don't.