unimportant, unfocused ranting

Today I was talking with my friend Andrew George about what the first month of films would be if I had a cinema. Initially, I said, I would start the running with a double bill of ‘My Wrongs #8245-8249 & 117′ by Chris Morris and ‘A Clockwork Orange’ by Stanley Kubrick, but then I started thinking… and here’s the real list. Welcome to the Grand, a cinema so backward, we’re forward.

THE GRAND - comprehensive listing for July - August 2007

Jul 2, 4, 6: Japanese Teenage Wasteland - a study on Japanese interpretation of youth Culture
Akira (Katsuhiro Ôtomo, 1988)/Battle Royale (Kinji Fukasaku, 2000)

Jul 7, 8: Le fabuleux destin d’Amelie Poulain
(Jean-Pierre Jeunet, 2001)

Jul 9, 11, 13: From Russia With Love - 20th century warfare in the Eastern Bloc
Goodbye Lenin! (Wolfgang Becker, 2003)/Schindler’s List (Steven Spielberg, 1993)

Jul 14, 15: Casablanca
(Michael Curtiz, 1948)

Jul 16, 17: A Pegg and Wright Double Bill
Shaun of the Dead (Edgar Wright, 2004)/Hot Fuzz (Edgar Wright, 2007)

Jul 18: Dr. Strangelove
(Stanley Kubrick, 1964)

Jul 20: Warm Water under a Red bridge
(Shohei Imamura, 2001)

Jul 21, 22: Jean De Florette - double bill
Jean De Florette/Manon Des Source (Claude Berri, 1986)

Jul 23, 25, 27: This American Life - two films studying the minutiae of teenage life in america
Napoleon Dynamite (Jared Hess, 2004), Ghost World (Terry Zwigoff, 2001)

Jul 27, 28: Pokemon: The First Movie (Mew vs. Mewtwo)
(Michael Haigney & Kunihiko Yuyama, 1999)

Jul 30, 31: Romeo and Juliet
(Baz Lurhmann, 1996)

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So there you go. Would you visit the Grand? On your third visit, you get a free popcorn!

Remember when you were little? Do ya? Back when everything seemed like it could crush you like the ant-human that you were? Happy days! do you remember the first things mummy and daddy told you? Like always be careful with knives? Well this is something we’re going to challenge today in a little item I like to call

EVERYTHING YOUR LOVED ONES TOLD YOU IS WRONG!

It doesn’t roll off the tongue necessarily, but given time it’ll grow on you.
So I’ve done some testing for y’all, and I’ve done a little experimentation, coming out of it with two freshly sliced fruit scones and a slightly cut thumb, and here’s what I’ve found out: You don’t need to be particularly careful when you’re using knives, so long as you remember that WHEN THE KNIFE TOUCHES YOUR FINGER, STOP CUTTING AND MOVE YOUR FINGER. We’ve got touch receptors for a reason, and even if you’re daydreaming, it’ll still be a good average of half a second to a second of breadknife-on-flesh before it cuts through and you’re left with a wound with sultanas and crumbs in it. This was my least favourite part of the excercise.

So, to conclude, the moment a knife touches your finger, it’s not going to kill you forever. Just keep alert for the feeling of knife on your finger, move finger and continue. kk?

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In other news,  I believe some member of the royal family has gone off and broken his leg in a polo accident again. Honestly, you’ve got to have some doubts about a family supposedly in reign of a fine nation who can’t even eat a bloody mint without doing themselves serious injury. Not only that, but they keep doing it. I don’t know about you, but if I somehow ingested a polo in such a way that it was directly responsible for my leg breaking, I would never eat a polo in that fashion again. All I’m saying, royal family, is stick to softmints.