an update, in fits of keystrokes
The cinnamon grahams fiasco continues! Except they’re not referring to it as a fiasco, because they don’t see anything wrong in what they’re doing! Which is what annoys me most of all!
Here’s what’s going down. This is a quote from the back of the box:
“Why not email us at curiously.different@cpuk.nestle.com to tell us how you would describe the taste.”
It wasn’t so bad when they were doing it themselves, but now they’re involving the general public and asking them to participate, and I think that’s taking it a little too far, don’t you?
I decided to send an e-mail to the people in charge, to try and sort this mess out.
————
TO: curiously.different@cpuk.nestle.com
FROM: Tom
SUBJECT: Indescribable? Really? You sure?
Hello Nestle,
It was with much dismay that I read the back of my box of cinnamon grahams this morning as I munched on them, and what I read turned what was normally a delicious cinnamonny* way to start my day into what could only be described as what LIES would taste like if covered with milk and served in a bowl made of DECEIT.
You see, I found it hard to comprehend that you were not only describing the so-called ‘indescribable’ taste right there in the same sentence (”toasted cinnamon squares”) but also asking the general cinnamon-graham-eating public to enter into this mind-numbing vortex of trying to describe the indescribable. As such, I thought I’d recommend a few alternative slogans for your marvellous cereal:
- the as-of-yet indescribable taste of cereal x
- the fairly easy to describe, yet orally complex, taste of toasted cinnamon squares
- the indescribably delicious taste of toasted cinnamon squares
- toasted cinnamon squares that have a taste that is somewhat hard to pigeonhole.
I appreciate that none of these roll off the tongue quite as conveniently as ‘the indescribable taste of toasted cinnamon squares’, however I feel that once adopting one of the above slogans, your loyal customer fan base will no longer be worried (and dare I say it, verging on vexed) about the conundrum you present them with.
indescribably yours,
Tom Milsom
*is that right? You’re the experts!
—–
No reply as of yet. I’ll wait it out and see what happens.
Ina said,
May 18, 2007 @ 1:20 am
HAhaha, genius.
Inform me when you get a reply, aight?
Frank Monea said,
May 19, 2007 @ 3:00 pm
I am deeply offended.
F.Monea
ROB said,
May 29, 2007 @ 6:52 pm
HI tom
dunno what to say ,really.
say hi to katie for me .
see ya L8ER
ROB (TEMPLETON THE RAT)
Frank Monea said,
May 30, 2007 @ 2:52 pm
Listen, Rob (or read, one of the two would be much appreciated (or both)).
I don’t know who you think you are, but this is a serious discussion blog. Now I can’t deal with anyone who doesn’t treat it that way and you’re not the only one*.
If you have a point to make then please make it, if not then I suggest you spread the word of ROB to a less sophiticated website such as PAPASPAPASPAPAS.
From,
F. Monea
*Ina.
Ina said,
June 2, 2007 @ 8:35 pm
Frank:
You’re my favourite person ever.
HD said,
June 3, 2007 @ 9:20 pm
Careful there tom. I think you just accused them of false advertising. They’re probably scrambling the Nestle lawyers as we speak. Run!
Anonymous said,
June 17, 2007 @ 12:40 pm
frank… frank, why? Why are you so offended?
Frank Monea said,
June 19, 2007 @ 3:14 pm
To Anonymous,
I think it’s Tom who is offended.
Right?
Frank.
Kenneth Leyland said,
June 21, 2007 @ 12:53 am
I’m writing this comment in regard to a previous comment* regarding a possible reference to a blog post in which I will undoubtedly comment. Tom wrote of a blog post in which he would display some ‘poetry’ or other (dare I humour you all) ‘artistic works of literature’. Luckily, it should be noted, I found this blog just in time, as my work contains the talent and creative depth currently devoid on this blog. Here is one of my best pieces:
Frank is lame.
Frank is not cool.
Frank is {insert negative adjective of one’s choosing}.
Frank is not pool.
This piece not only describes (in a massive artistic understatement) my feelings toward someone (Ina) but my outlook on humanity as a whole. It also allows for open interpretation and input (as craved by modern society**) given the amazing use of brackets. Some of my other work pales in comparison:
Awakening to Unrelenting Obscurities
My Wearisome Reality Submits
Undeserved Majesty and Bitter Redemption
Anguish Piercing Mortality
Eternally
That piece of work specifically sucks but does a great job of describing my life as of learning of Frank’s existence***.
Kenneth Leyland
*referenced comment was posted approximately 22 days ago
**something that will soon be destroyed by Frank’s incompetence
***if how he lives his life can be called an existence at all
Ina said,
June 22, 2007 @ 2:46 am
Like, seriously, Frank.
You are one happening dude.
Frank Monea said,
June 22, 2007 @ 8:01 am
Kenneth,
For someone whose name appears to be wholly based on the transport company ‘British Leyland’, it would appear that you are very opinionated. The implications are, however, that you wrote this of another ‘Frank’ that you have come across before entering this site. Please, in future use surnames in your poems, in order not to confuse the reader about which ‘Frank’ you’re talking about. It can be very worrying if you start to believe it could have been written about you.
For help with your first poem, in which you were struggling to find a negative adjective, how about ‘downtrodden’?
From,
Frank Monea
P.S. I do not like your second poem. I think that you have as much creative depth as an empty paddling pool.
P.S.S. Thank you for adding an informative blog.
Kenneth Leyland said,
June 24, 2007 @ 9:27 pm
Oh Frank*,
You are very wrong.
-Ken
*poor naive Frank
Frank Monea said,
June 26, 2007 @ 9:18 am
Ken,
One can be naive, but it takes two to be ignorant*.
F.Monea
*That means you must be ignorant if you think that I am.
Ina said,
June 30, 2007 @ 8:06 pm
Ken:
I can’t tell whether you’ve insulted me or not.
*sits around, puzzled*
Kenneth Leyland said,
July 2, 2007 @ 1:39 am
Dear Ina,
I referred to you as sharing a likeness with Frank. Is there any greater insult?
Ken
PS. Frank is ignorant of his own ignorance. (For he is naive.)
Frank Monea said,
July 2, 2007 @ 10:53 am
Ken,
You just insulted yourself. Also, I think it is now time to refer back to the topic at hand: that of cereals.
Fr. Monea
P.S. There is a greater insult, someone sharing a likeness with you!!
P.S.S. I think that this insult applies to Ina better than the previous one.
Ina said,
July 2, 2007 @ 4:52 pm
It’s people like you (Mr. Monea and “Ken”) who make my self-esteem so low.
Ken, do I know you? Or are you just an alias of Mr. Monea?, because I’ve never met a single person that hated me until I came to this site, and it’s odd (to me) that I’ve found two haters so quickly.
Ina
Frank Monea said,
July 3, 2007 @ 8:39 am
Ina,
I’ll have you know that neither my wife or I would ever choose an ‘alias’ that rhymes so obviously with ‘British Leyland’. My thoughts are that this is a disgruntled commuter who happened to fall upon this site on his way to work and since then has been unable to draw his anger away from it.
Case closed.
Frank M.
P.S. If i may correct you, Ina. It adds up to three haters, since my wife dislikes you even more than I do.
Ina said,
July 3, 2007 @ 6:01 pm
Aw, how sweet of her.
Kenneth Leyland said,
July 9, 2007 @ 1:47 am
Dear Frank’s wife’s husband,
‘Kenneth’ does not rhyme with ‘British’.
‘Leyland’ is (and therefore cannot rhyme with) ‘Leyland’
So no, you wouldn’t come up with the alias ‘Kenneth Leyland’ (if you were ever to accidentally pick such an incredible name) nor would you ever come up with one that rhymes with ‘Kenneth Leyland’ or ‘British Leyland’. Not that you would know even if you did, because you don’t understand the concept ‘to rhyme’ at all. Also, your math is very incorrect. (An entire whole number off actually.) The next bit I will address to Ina.
Yours (unfortunately),
Kenneth
—
Dear Ina,
There are actually four haters, for if you have low self esteem you probably hate yourself. (Mr. Monea made the mistake, yet again.) And if the blog itself had feelings (which it doesn’t) it would probably hate you too, so just round it up to five.
—
Dear Frank’s wife,
If you would like to point fingers* then maybe you should think of getting your own name or ‘alias’ as some idiots choose to call them, and insert your thoughts and opinions where we can all value from them, and not just your husband who doesn’t deserve anything. (Particularly anything of value.)
Kenneth
*Since you never come on and type anything out this might not even be possible**
**If that’s true, don’t be offended.***
***Please.
Ina said,
July 9, 2007 @ 7:21 pm
Kenneth:
Maybe round it up to YOUR MOTHER. See what she thinks.
Mr. Monea:
Dammit, I have respect for you, stop picking on me.
Frank Monea said,
July 10, 2007 @ 9:27 pm
Kenneth,
How dare you speak to me like that. I would not expect my own postman to speak to me in such a way let alone a greasy, bog-filtered ‘poet’ as yourself. It’s people like yourself who give their children a bad name. Such as ‘Helgafelia’ or ‘Kylie’.
On the subject of your own name, if indeed it is not an alias, it should be seen as your parents subconsciously telling you that you were conceived on a bus. When abbreiviated it could be seen as Ken L./Kennel, bringing a wealth of connotations. None of which I believe to be fit for public consumption on such a respectable website.
From,
F.Monea
P.S. My wife is I’m afraid unable to write down her own thoughts due to her increasingly bad arthritis. She is therefore forced either to watch me type or write whilst I dictate to her. She is unable to type and think at the same time (whilst typing (and thinking)).
P.S.S. I withdraw the comment made involving ‘Kenneth Leyland’ rhyming with ‘British Leyland’, replacing the word ‘rhyme’ with the word ’sounds like’. This is merely to please the new pedantic generation that Kenneth has been born* into.
*Accidentally (on a bus).
Anonymous said,
July 18, 2007 @ 2:49 am
People PLEASE! This is a respectable blog, and while I admire Frank’s gallant defending of this hallowed ground from the deplorable insults of Ina, I fear that Kenny’s poems have been caught up in what could be described as Frank’s… dogmatic approach to justice?
Please friends, let’s not bicker. Frank, you’re a wonderful man and I’d so hate to see your talent waasted here. Have you considered your own blog, maybe?
Tom
Frank Monea said,
July 21, 2007 @ 6:44 pm
Tom,
I can’t be expected to argue with myself. I’m too opinionated.
From,
Frank. M.