unimportant, unfocused ranting

Remember when you were little? Do ya? Back when everything seemed like it could crush you like the ant-human that you were? Happy days! do you remember the first things mummy and daddy told you? Like always be careful with knives? Well this is something we’re going to challenge today in a little item I like to call

EVERYTHING YOUR LOVED ONES TOLD YOU IS WRONG!

It doesn’t roll off the tongue necessarily, but given time it’ll grow on you.
So I’ve done some testing for y’all, and I’ve done a little experimentation, coming out of it with two freshly sliced fruit scones and a slightly cut thumb, and here’s what I’ve found out: You don’t need to be particularly careful when you’re using knives, so long as you remember that WHEN THE KNIFE TOUCHES YOUR FINGER, STOP CUTTING AND MOVE YOUR FINGER. We’ve got touch receptors for a reason, and even if you’re daydreaming, it’ll still be a good average of half a second to a second of breadknife-on-flesh before it cuts through and you’re left with a wound with sultanas and crumbs in it. This was my least favourite part of the excercise.

So, to conclude, the moment a knife touches your finger, it’s not going to kill you forever. Just keep alert for the feeling of knife on your finger, move finger and continue. kk?

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In other news,  I believe some member of the royal family has gone off and broken his leg in a polo accident again. Honestly, you’ve got to have some doubts about a family supposedly in reign of a fine nation who can’t even eat a bloody mint without doing themselves serious injury. Not only that, but they keep doing it. I don’t know about you, but if I somehow ingested a polo in such a way that it was directly responsible for my leg breaking, I would never eat a polo in that fashion again. All I’m saying, royal family, is stick to softmints.